One Pussible Explanation

Local cats continues to interest me; particularly those with overall black fur. Behaviour differs, it seems, from others and I’ve felt inclined to ponder why. My own theory and the only explanation I’ve been able to come up with, is that they’ve been influenced, behaviourally, by a long superstitious nation; not having been permitted to cross the paths of some and approached, by others, with less trust and affection. If that's so, a disconnection has occurred. One reflected in reduced acceptance of us. Of course, things, in their respective homes, are likely to be different. The connection with their owners will, almost certainly, be there. But their demeanour on the street does appear distinct. We are, perhaps, more influential than is generally understood.

Pass me the remote

Less than thrilling fare on today’s This Morning programme (ITV), with a soft-voiced woman keen to persuade viewers that we each have a ‘guardian angel’. On first hearing, it may seem harmless enough, but consider this perfectly credible scenario. A member of your family wonders whether he, or she, should take a short-cut home. The way before them is dark and seems unsafe, but they’ve been persuaded that some mystical presence is protecting them. And so they venture where others would not; and are never seen alive again. Perhaps someone can tell me the difference between a peddler of such superstition and a wide-boy, who flogs cars with dodgy brakes. I’d call it junk TV, if only it weren’t more dangerous than that.

Long Shot

Interested to discover that NASA's Curiosity Rover has touched down, on Mars, at a site known as Glenelg. Having visited similarly named locations, in Australia (where the intriguing creation, below, can be found) and in western Scotland, am I faced with the most challenging hat-trick ever?

A dead end call?

Not the most cheerful of subjects, I’ll grant you, but here’s a thought concerning charities that exist for those at their wit’s end. After much consideration, I would have grave concerns about conveying, to the suicidal, the impression that there’s no practical solution (after all, if the presumed expert they are speaking with cannot advise then perhaps there really is no hope!) and might that absence of information appear as a final, insurmountable, wall? Samaritans act, surely, with the best of intentions, but is it not possible that a more pragmatic, advice giving, approach could instil the sense of hope their callers so desperately require? There are, of course, those who believe they have benefitted from such services, but, were they able to, others just might tell a different story.

Ten ways of saying it

 On the off chance that readers, of these sometimes visited pages, should wish to express their opinions more widely, I’m pleased to share a few tips; for gaining column inches, within the national press. Before I do, though, I’d like to, by relating my own experience, explode the myth that getting a short letter published is particularly difficult. I began submitting, to the UK’s Metro newspaper, nigh on four years ago and in the space of three years, my words appeared within its pages, on more than forty occasions. It could, then, reasonably be assumed that I’d bombarded the editor with emails, at an alarming rate; but not so. My rate of submission had, actually, been in the region of two or three per week, combined with long periods of inactivity, and the average would probably be one letter every two weeks. Not, perhaps,  a bad strike rate, but that may have a great deal to do with my having cottoned on to a formula. Learn how to submit, I suggest, and you’re more than half way there.

 Anyway, at risk of being seen to 'blow my own trumpet' (which is, of course, the case, but, I hope  this article helps others get themselves‘heard’), here’s some advice and a few examples:

                                                        

                                                        

1) Be outspoken….Twelve months on, I’m less certain, but, this was my view at the time; so I felt compelled to make the point explicitly and challenge a long held convention. I may have been right, or quite possibly wrong, but, either way, I questioned established thinking and that, I imagine, was the editor’s reason for publication.

                                                                
                                                                                                                                                                                         

2) Use wordplay…I was keen to have a dig at Top Gear, largely because of my unswerving belief that the programme trivialises the issue of road safety. Merely stating this, however, would, I suspect, not have been enough; so humour and wordplay are well deployed in such situations. It may also be beneficial when we call to account public figures who are, themselves, notoriously outspoken!

                                           
                     
                                                                       

3) Sarcasm....Everyone loves a bit of it, don’t they, as long as it’s well directed?.. and of course, America’s least admired president has long been a sitting duck! Go for it, I say, when it’s deserved, because there are few better ways to deride an unworthy leader. Clearly, the editor agreed, judging by the accompanying photograph!

                                                              

                                                                                                                              
                                                             

4) Innuendo and double entendre...There’s a reason the Carry On films remain popular and that’s presumably because most people like something a bit saucy. If you can extend it, to make an additional assertion (in this case, the suggestion that such scenarios are frankly ludicrous), then the chance of publication may be further increased.

                                                               
                                                                                                               

5) Expose a contradiction….When the words of government ministers are contrary to their activities, it needs, in the public interest, to be highlighted. Be vigilant and you may even glean an opportunity to support one of the world’s great campaigners.

                                                             

                                                                                    

6) Dreadful jokes….Real groan-along humour is clearly a precious commodity, at least, to the folk at Metro and if you can come up with something not fit even for a Christmas cracker, then all the better!

                                                      

                                                                           

7) Have a go at the Pope....You know you want to!...and with apologies to any Catholic readers, it's all fair comment

                                                    

                                                                                    

8) Don’t be afraid of the dark….There are, of course, issues that no one could enjoy thinking about; yet, addressing them is vital, if we are to live in a better world. Spare a moment to think about matters, literally, of life and death and send in your thoughts. To quote Kitchener “your country needs you”, as, I suggest, does the world!

                                                 

         
                                                                                                                                                                          

                   

                                            

9) Challenge the overly faithful

Opinions based on anything other than reason are easily challenged. Use your rationality to get into print. It’s one of the easiest ways.

                                                           

   
                                                         

10) Be downright infantile!

Need I say more?

....although, of course, I will! Further to this, keep it succinct and write much as it would trip from the tongue. That way, you, too, can make your, perhaps unexceptional, yet valuable thoughts known, to millions!

Do the honourable members wish to comment?

Disappointed to hear Owen Paterson, on last night’s ‘Question Time’, adopt the most common stance, of MPs, when Iraq is mentioned. How often is it said that time will tell?... the proof-of-the-pudding argument, that seeks to brush a concern, in the minds of many, under the carpet, faster than one can say carnage. It’s a well devised response; there to divert our attention, from the true injustice of war, by proffering only two avenues, of thought; that if Iraq thrives, the intervention should be considered admirable and if it does not, foolish. Devised, I suggest, to preclude concern, for the unwarring victim. Estimates, of civilian casualties, in the Iraq conflict, vary; most being between 100,000 and 600,000. But time is the politician’s friend. Images tend to fade. Newspapers are recycled, to save the world, and economic concerns pushed, to the fore. Then, hey presto!...a shiny new democracy, where once was repression; yet, let the stories, of collateral families, be told and their demise subvert the politician’s crown, of success.

Pop goes the poetic!

During a trip down music’s memory lane; calling at all stations, including Billy Joel; Elton John and Blondie (well, mixed metaphors are in keeping with this, so please stick with it!), the following lyrical incongruities emerged…

Billy Joel (Just the Way You Are)..... ‘I don’t want clever conversation, I never want to work that hard, I just want someone that I can talk to, I want you just the way you are’….surely, this fairly translates as ‘I’ll stick with you because you’re too thick to answer back’ (great tune though Billy!)

Blondie (Picture This)...... ‘I will give  you my finest hour, the one I spent watching you shower’...…..flaming peroxide!...their water bill must be astronomical and then there's the electricity to consider!

The Real Thing (You to me are Everything)  ‘So now you’ve got the best of me, come on and take the rest of me'...  clearly a thrilling voyage of discovery ahead, for the object of someone's affection

Further to this, Elton may guess that’s why they call it the blues, but I wish he’d let us in on the secret, ’cause  I must have heard it a hundred times and I’m none the wiser. 

As for 'More than Words' by Extreme... ‘Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you’… and further on….'More than words is all you have to do…’...well, I don't mean to be pedantic, but that’s just bad grammar, isn’t it?

Anyway, for lyrics that actually mean something, I refer readers to John Lennon's Imagine and Spandau Ballet's Through the Barricades.